How to Crochet a Granny Square (Man-Version).

What is a granny square, you ask? It's a piece of fabric made by working in rounds from the center out. It may not sound like it, but it's also one of the manliest things you can make with yarn. Think about it, they are rough looking, hand-made, and extremely versatile. Make one and use it as a cup coaster. Make 10 and stitch them together to make an oil rag for your car. Make 900, stitch them together and you have a drop cloth for your next painting project (granted, it may not be the most effective dropcloth due to the holes). In this tutorial, I'll teach you how to make one. It is up to you to make as many as you need for the next time you go logging.

What you will need

  • yarn
  • crochet needles

Step 1

Ensure you have some type of construction-related injury on your dominant hand. I’ve chose a puncture wound from a mis-handled screw (don’t worry, it finally found the stud it was destined for).

Step One


Step 2

Select a strong color. Purple is good. It’s like grey only more socially acceptable.


Step 3

Single-chain 6. If you do not know how to do this, consult with YouTube.

Step Three


Step 4

Create a loop with the 6-chain referenced in Step 3.

Step Four


Step 5

Single-chain 3 coming from the loop you created in Step 4.

Step Five


Step 6

Double-chain two posts into the loop created in Step 4.

Step Six


Step 7

Single-chain 3.

Step Seven


Step 8

Double-chain three posts into the loop created in Step 4.

Step Eight


Step 9

Single-chain 3.

Step Nine


Step 10

Double-chain three posts into the loop created in Step 4.

Step Ten


Step 11

Have a beer. You’re approximately half way done with the foundation.

Step Eleven


Step 12

Single-chain 3.

Step Twelve


Step 13

Double-chain 3 posts into the loop created in Step 4.

Step Thirteen


Step 14

Ensure quality and consistency by using the proper tools.

Step Fourteen Step Fourteen


Step 15

Single-chain 3.

Step Fifteen


Step 16

Connect the 3 single-chains from Step 15 to the 3rd chain in the first set of three double chains from Step 5.

Step Sixteen


Step 17

Single-chain 3.

Step Seventeen


Step 18

Double-chain 3 posts into the corner.

Step Eighteen


Step 19

Single-chain 3.


Step 20

Double-chain 3 posts into the corner.

Step Twenty


Step 21

Repeat steps 17-20 3 more times.


Step 22

Finish.

Step Twenty-two


Step 23

Have a beer. You made a granny square.


Step 24

Repeat steps 2 through 23 899 more times and stitch together to create a queen-size blanket (approximately 90”x90”)


Step 25 (optional)

Visit the hospital. You probably have alcohol poisoning.