How to Crochet a Granny Square (Man-Version).

What is a granny square, you ask? It's a piece of fabric made by working in rounds from the center out. It may not sound like it, but it's also one of the manliest things you can make with yarn. Think about it, they are rough looking, hand-made, and extremely versatile. Make one and use it as a cup coaster. Make 10 and stitch them together to make an oil rag for your car. Make 900, stitch them together and you have a drop cloth for your next painting project (granted, it may not be the most effective dropcloth due to the holes). In this tutorial, I'll teach you how to make one. It is up to you to make as many as you need for the next time you go logging.

What you will need

  • yarn
  • crochet needles

Step 1

Ensure you have some type of construction-related injury on your dominant hand. I’ve chose a puncture wound from a mis-handled screw (don’t worry, it finally found the stud it was destined for).

Step One

Step 2

Select a strong color. Purple is good. It’s like grey only more socially acceptable.

Step 3

Single-chain 6. If you do not know how to do this, consult with YouTube.

Step Three

Step 4

Create a loop with the 6-chain referenced in Step 3.

Step Four

Step 5

Single-chain 3 coming from the loop you created in Step 4.

Step Five

Step 6

Double-chain two posts into the loop created in Step 4.

Step Six

Step 7

Single-chain 3.

Step Seven

Step 8

Double-chain three posts into the loop created in Step 4.

Step Eight

Step 9

Single-chain 3.

Step Nine

Step 10

Double-chain three posts into the loop created in Step 4.

Step Ten

Step 11

Have a beer. You’re approximately half way done with the foundation.

Step Eleven

Step 12

Single-chain 3.

Step Twelve

Step 13

Double-chain 3 posts into the loop created in Step 4.

Step Thirteen

Step 14

Ensure quality and consistency by using the proper tools.

Step Fourteen Step Fourteen

Step 15

Single-chain 3.

Step Fifteen

Step 16

Connect the 3 single-chains from Step 15 to the 3rd chain in the first set of three double chains from Step 5.

Step Sixteen

Step 17

Single-chain 3.

Step Seventeen

Step 18

Double-chain 3 posts into the corner.

Step Eighteen

Step 19

Single-chain 3.

Step 20

Double-chain 3 posts into the corner.

Step Twenty

Step 21

Repeat steps 17-20 3 more times.

Step 22


Step Twenty-two

Step 23

Have a beer. You made a granny square.

Step 24

Repeat steps 2 through 23 899 more times and stitch together to create a queen-size blanket (approximately 90”x90”)

Step 25 (optional)

Visit the hospital. You probably have alcohol poisoning.